Synonyms: chilly, bitter, brisk, cool, crisp, frigid, frosty, frozen, icy, nippy, frigid
Hat tip: SimileStack reader rainingmud
Author: simileguru
Wobbles like a three-legged dog
Wobble, wobbling, stumble, wiggle
As stern as a judge
Synonyms: strict, serious, cruel, harsh, rigid
Thanks to Vladimir
As Subtle as a Fart in the Bath
Synonyms: quiet, delicate, inconspicuous, faint
Antonyms (meaning of sarcastic simile): loud, obvious, harsh, noisy, visible, apparent, explicit, distinct
As red as a monkey’s arse
Synonyms: embarrassed, blush, angry, hot
Hat tip: Mr Squirrel
Stiffer than Arsene Wenger at a primary school
Synonyms: hard, firm, stiff, frozen, solid, tense, tight
Hat tip: Mr Squirrel
As slippery as a soap in a men’s prison
Synonyms: greasy, slick, smooth, slimy
As rare as rocking horse shit
Synonyms: few, scarce, infrequent, unique
hat tip: Mr Squirrel
As sharp as a bowling ball
synonyms: brainless, dense, dull, idiotic, slow, sluggish, thick
hat tip: Mr Squirrel
As excited as a blind lesbian in a fish shop
synonyms: inspired, aroused, eager, enthusiastic, hot, horny, roused, stimulated, wired
hat tip: Mr Squirrel
Wetter than a Spastic’s Chin
Synonyms: wet, moist, dripping, humid, soaking, pouring, soggy, watery, water
Hat-tip to Mr. Squirrel for this one
Wetter than an Otter’s Pocket
Synonyms: wet, damp, moist, humid, clammy, slimy, slippery, soaked
Thanks to Mr Squirrel
Shaking like a Shitting Dog
Synonyms: trembling, quivering
Thanks to: Mr Squirrel
As Slow as a Snail’s Funeral
Synonyms: Crawling, creeping, lazy, idle, lethargic, sluggish
As sticky as a fly trap
Synonyms: Clinging, gluey, glue, gummy, adhesive, tacky