Synonyms: slippery, slick, lubricated, slimy, slithery, smooth
Thanks to Conan O’Brien via reader E Bak
Tag: funny
As mad as a sleeping bag full of badgers
synonyms: crazy, mental, berserk, batty, crazed, insane, silly, whacky, schitzo
As Dirty as Goodwill Underwear
Synonyms: soiled, gross, brown, filthy, foul, nasty, messy, icky, slimy, raunchy
Refined as a Medieval Ox Cart
Synonyms: classy, elegant, gracious, nice, plush, polished, posh, snazzy, sophisticated, suave, swanky, tasteful
Meaning: unrefined
As quiet as a library for church mice
Synonyms: muffled, hushed, reserved, mute, peaceful, silent, still
From Jeremy Clarkson, Top Gear
Colder than a Witch’s Tit
Synonyms: chilly, bitter, brisk, cool, crisp, frigid, frosty, frozen, icy, nippy, frigid
Hat tip: SimileStack reader rainingmud
Wobbles like a three-legged dog
Wobble, wobbling, stumble, wiggle
As Subtle as a Fart in the Bath
Synonyms: quiet, delicate, inconspicuous, faint
Antonyms (meaning of sarcastic simile): loud, obvious, harsh, noisy, visible, apparent, explicit, distinct
As red as a monkey’s arse
Synonyms: embarrassed, blush, angry, hot
Hat tip: Mr Squirrel
Stiffer than Arsene Wenger at a primary school
Synonyms: hard, firm, stiff, frozen, solid, tense, tight
Hat tip: Mr Squirrel
As slippery as a soap in a men’s prison
Synonyms: greasy, slick, smooth, slimy
As rare as rocking horse shit
Synonyms: few, scarce, infrequent, unique
hat tip: Mr Squirrel
As sharp as a bowling ball
synonyms: brainless, dense, dull, idiotic, slow, sluggish, thick
hat tip: Mr Squirrel
As excited as a blind lesbian in a fish shop
synonyms: inspired, aroused, eager, enthusiastic, hot, horny, roused, stimulated, wired
hat tip: Mr Squirrel
Wetter than a Spastic’s Chin
Synonyms: wet, moist, dripping, humid, soaking, pouring, soggy, watery, water
Hat-tip to Mr. Squirrel for this one